Questions and Answers (Fall 2020)
The following represents a select number of actual questions recently sent in to the ministry (lightly edited for brevity, clarity, and anonymity).
If you have a question you’d like to ask, feel free to send it in here: https://www.expositoryparenting.org/contact
Question: Can you please explain where those with severe trauma and abuse are supposed to go when the pastoral staff aren’t equipped to handle those sort of issues? It goes a little deeper than love languages. I ask this in all seriousness. The Bible is our first source absolutely but many cannot rightly divide the truth when it comes to those issues.
Answer: The answer to your question depends on the type of issue you are dealing with. if you are dealing with criminal issues, you need to contact the police. If you are dealing with medical issues, you need to contact a doctor. And if you are dealing with spiritual issues, you ought to be able to contact your pastor. Of course, not all pastors are ready to handle the various counseling issues that arise, in which case I would recommend your pastor enlist the help of an ACBC (Association of Certified Biblical Counselors) counselor.
On top of that, please know that “love languages” aren’t found in the Bible. While there may be a sense in which so-called “love languages” might help identify practical ways to serve others, that kind of categorization is not an anthropology found in Scripture. I would be hesitant to recommend that philosophy.
Finally, please understand that the world has nothing to offer in terms of real solutions to the relational difficulties we all face, because unbelievers don’t know the Savior, who is our foundation for addressing life’s issues. We love as Christ loves us, give because of what He has given us, serve because He came to serve, submit even when treated unfairly as Christ submitted to the point of death, and so on. This is the relationship between the indicatives and imperatives in Scripture that any quality expositor should recognize in the text and be able to employ in a counseling session. On that basis, the Bible truly has all of the answers. It is sufficient.
Question: Can you recommend books? I have a Strong’s but I just can’t understand it. I have a Systematic Theology but that’s too much for just a reference.
Answer: There are a number of foundational resources that I recommend.
For starters, I like this pamphlet as a very cheap start to help parents and kids keep the judges, prophets, kings, and locations straight as you work through the Old Testament: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1628624612
You might also find family worship guide immensely helpful for application, covering every chapter of the Bible: https://www.amazon.com/Family-Worship-Bible.../dp/1601785003
A top-rated atlas, and one that I personally use and enjoy, is this: https://www.amazon.com/Zondervan-Atlas.../dp/0310270502
Hands down, the best and most accurate Systematic Theology on the market is this, and it’s very readable (I would especially recommend it for high school age and up): https://www.amazon.com/Biblical-Doctrine.../dp/1433545918
This new resource, recently released, is helpful for teaching young kids through the Psalms: https://www.amazon.com/WonderFull-Ancient.../dp/1948130742
For commentaries, it really depends on the particular book of the Bible, as I couldn’t recommend an entire set as being comprehensively trustworthy, other than John MacArthur’s New Testament commentary set.
And finally, the Expository Parenting website has Old Testament teaching outlines (https://www.expositoryparenting.org/otteachingoutlines) and New Testament study guides (https://www.expositoryparenting.org/ntstudyguides) to assist your efforts.
Question: I rarely see kneeling during community worship. Do you know why most Reformed churches have abandoned this practice?
Answer: Kneeling, according to Roman Catholic theology, is to revere the Mass (bread and wine) as the actual body and blood of Christ at the time when the priest calls Him down from heaven to be re-sacrificed on the altar (the practice known as transubstantiation). It should go without saying, but this concept is utterly blasphemous and worthy of the most severe of condemnation by all true believers. Thus, churches that recognize the truths of the Protestant Reformation reject the notion and practice, as men like John Knox did 500 years ago. Unless there is a cultural reason why kneeling (during prayer, for example) would demonstrate appropriate reverence for God alone, I would see no reason for the practice. And certainly, kneeling before men, statues, or relics in worship would be totally contrary to God’s Word.
Question: My husband and I don’t have kids yet, but when the time comes, I would like to stay home with any future kids and homeschool. My husband is adamant that kids need to be in public school. It’s non-negotiable for him. I have been praying for years for his eyes to be opened. How do I manage this when the time comes that we have kids?
Answer: First of all, I’m glad to see that you’re seeking help from a biblical counselor. You definitely need to lean into your local church and other believers in your life to help you navigate this issue, since I can only offer so much (and don’t know enough about your family personally to offer particular counsel).
With that in mind, here are some thoughts. The first question I would have is whether or not your husband is a believer. And this requires a sober evaluation on your part. If you have a solid grasp of theology, which I suspect you do, then you know that a truly regenerate person will exhibit fruits of that. Unfortunately, far too many spouses ignore the clear signs that they are married to an unbeliever, for understandable reasons. If your husband has no interest in the things of God, rarely, if ever, attends church, shows no motivation for reading God's Word, and so on, there is no reason to believe he is saved, regardless of a past point in time in which he may have appeared to be. If that’s the case, you would likely need to make your appeal to him on the basis of non-spiritual things, such as the issue of grades, problems with bullying, difficulties with teachers, etc. His biggest hangup may be the issue of sports, so perhaps there are some homeschool co-ops that you could show him that have sports teams. If I were in your shoes, I would do all I could to show a willingness to bear the full weight of responsibility for homeschooling; it wouldn’t be yet another burden put on him.
On the other hand, if he is a believer, then that is a different story, and you ought to appeal to him solely on the basis of Scripture. Let him know how important discipleship is, how crucial it is to keep impressionable children away from godless influences, and the variety of other arguments given in Scripture. If there are others at church that he would listen to, see if you can get together just to talk about things (perhaps he’s concerned about the logistics or finances). Consider reading through Expository Parenting (https://www.amazon.com/Expository-Parenting-Josh-Niemi/dp/1976238145) or Anyone Can Homeschool (https://www.amazon.com/Anyone-Can-Homeschool-Overcoming-Obstacles/dp/B08GG2RKPN) together as a couple.
Barring any extenuating circumstances, as a godly wife it would be your duty to submit to his decision, even if he makes the wrong one (cf. Eph. 5:22-24, 1 Pet. 3:1-2). Your witness to him will be enhanced by joyful submission to his leadership, and God can use that to reach him in ways that nothing else might. Pray, trust that God can—and does—use less-than-ideal circumstances to reach children, and pour yourself into loving your husband and discipling your children with whatever time in the evenings you have. Teach your kids the Bible, because it will do more than you can imagine—and this ministry is here to help you pull that off. Ultimately, your husband will be judged by God for your family situation, not you. So don’t worry yourself that you are somehow failing in God’s eyes. And know that many great men of God have been raised up by mothers who were the sole spiritual influence at home.