How Should We Train Up Our Children? (Proverbs 22:6)
Proverbs 22:6 stands as perhaps one of the most beloved of all parenting verses in Scripture, stating, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This verse has been used to provide hope for an untold number of parents who find themselves grieving over a wayward son or daughter, as it is understood to be a promise that their child will ultimately return to the Lord. And who wouldn’t want such encouragement? The grief of seeing anyone far from the Lord is heartbreaking enough; it’s compounded when it’s your own son or daughter.
But here’s the truth: Proverbs 22:6 also stands as one of the most misunderstood and misused verses in Scripture, right up there with Matthew 7:1 (“Judge not!”) and Philippians 4:13 (“I can do all things!”). With so much emotional and spiritual weight hanging on this one proverb, it’s worth setting the record straight. After all, not only should we strive to glorify God in our handling of His Word, but we also want to make sure that our lives can profit from this verse—which means we need to get it right.
So, what is this passage actually telling us? And how should we train up our children in light of it?
First Things First: Context
As with any passage in the Bible, context is king. Make no mistake about it: individual verses in Proverbs do have a context, and that context is recognized through a sequential—not topical—study of the book. Proverbs 22:6 is no exception. This verse is surrounded by other verses all linked together by a common theme, and that theme needs to be identified in order to properly interpret the verse. So, we need to identify which verses form the surrounding context of Proverbs 22:6, and then determine what those verses are about, which will then help us know what Proverbs 22:6 is about as well.
So, what verses form the surrounding context of Proverbs 22:6? A careful study indicates that the section begins in Proverbs 22:1 and ends in Proverbs 22:16. In order to confirm that these two verses are the “bookends” of our section in question, let’s determine the bounds of the section before Proverbs 22:1 and the section after Proverbs 22:16.
First, the section before Proverbs 22:1-16 is identified fairly easily, as follows: it starts in Proverbs 20:28, which speaks of a throne of righteousness, and then a few verses later speaks of the sovereignty of Yahweh (“the Lord,” Prov. 21:1). This section is united by the keywords “righteousness” and ”righteous” found in verses 21:12, 15, 18, 21, and 26. The section then ends based on the repeated keyword Yahweh (“the Lord”) that shows up in Proverbs 21:31.[1] The use of a repeated keyword to signify the start and end of a complete body of thought is known by the literary term inclusio. So, based on the inclusio keyword “Yahweh,” we know that the previous section ends at Proverbs 21:31.
That confirms that our section indeed starts at Proverbs 22:1. But what about where our section ends?
This one, again, is fairly straightforward. When we look at Proverbs 22:17, we see the beginning of a unique thirty-proverb list in which Solomon paralleled the wisdom of Egypt in order to demonstrate that his God-given wisdom was superior. Having engaged in much international diplomacy, including a marriage alliance with Egypt (cf. 1 Kings 3:1), Solomon was undoubtedly aware of ancient Egyptian wisdom literature. After all, he “pondered, searched out and arranged many proverbs” in the course of his reign (Ecc. 12:9). It’s no surprise, then, that his knowledge of an Egyptian document called the Instructions of Amenemope becomes apparent beginning in Proverbs 22:17. Amenemope was a grain tax collector for Pharaoh who lived roughly 200 years prior to Solomon and, as archaeologists have discovered, wrote a thirty-chapter anthology (dating from around 1186-1069 BC) representing some of Egypt’s finest wisdom.[2] Thus, in preparing his own wisdom literature for the covenant people of Yahweh, Solomon paralleled a handful of phrases used by Amenemope, perfectly illustrating the greatness of God over and above Egyptian imposters. After all, the wisdom of the world is foolishness compared to God’s (cf. 1 Cor. 1:25).
Just to give an example, the Instructions of Amenemope states, “Look to these thirty chapters; they inform, they educate.” Solomon, similarly wrote, “Have I not written for you thirty sayings of counsel and knowledge…” (Prov. 22:20).[3] Similarly, the Instructions of Amenemope states that its purpose is for “knowing how to answer one who speaks, to reply to one who sends a message.” Solomon likewise said that his set of proverbs was “to make you know the certainty of the words of truth that you may correctly answer him who sent you” (Prov. 22:21).
All this to say, the section after ours clearly starts at Proverbs 22:17. So, without a doubt, the section for Proverbs 22:6 starts in 22:1 and ends in 22:16.
That leads us to the next question: What’s the overall theme of this section? It only takes a brief look to figure it out, seeing words like “silver” (22:1), “poor” (22:2), “borrower” (22:7), “generous” (22:9), and “poverty” (22:16), as well as the inclusio keyword “rich” that shows up in Proverbs 22:1 and Proverbs 22:16. Our section is about finances.
If your head’s spinning at this point, let me clear away the clutter and quickly summarize all that’s been said:
The section of Proverbs 20:28-21:31 could be titled “A Nation of Righteousness”
The section of Proverbs 22:1-16 could be titled “Glorifying God with Our Finances”
The section of Proverbs 22:17-24:34 could be titled “Thirty Wise Sayings”
Though this might seem like an excessive amount of prep work, it’s vital to a proper understanding Proverbs 22:6. Again, context is king.
Now that we’ve identified our section and theme, we can confidently make the following assertion: Proverbs 22:6 has something to do with finances. Having heard enough sermons and read enough literature on this verse, I’m not convinced that this basic fact is well known.
Train Up a Child
With the surrounding context established, we’re now prepared to examine the verse itself. Hebrew scholar Dan Phillips provides a woodenly literal translation of the verse as follows:
Initiate for the child on the mouth of his way; even when he is old he will not turn from it.[4]
The verb translated as “train up,” or “initiate” (as Dan put it), is straightforward: it means to give foundational direction for life. Even more literally, it means “to dedicate,” and is used in Scripture to refer to dedicating a building for use right after it’s done being built (cf. Deut. 20:5, 1 Kings 8:63). Thus, Solomon was speaking of foundational instruction given to a person in the early stages of his or her life—the Hebrew word na’ar (“child”) can represent anyone from an infant to a young man.[5]
The question then becomes, What kind of instruction is given to the child? This is where most of the misunderstanding is.
Survey most English translations and you’ll see the phrase “…in the way he should go” as the basis or standard of instruction. But, as Dan Phillips points out, a literal translation would actually say “on the mouth of his way,” which is a Hebrew way of saying “according to his will.” That’s because the dictates of the mouth express the desires of the will (cf. Matt. 12:34, Luke 6:45). In fact, if you check the footnotes of the New American Standard Bible, you’ll see the translators note that the phrase could be rendered “according to his way.”
In addition, though, we see that a vast majority of English versions put the modifier “should” in front of the word “go,” which implies a moral quality to the instruction. Here again is a problem.
Dan Phillips addresses this:
This flaw is nearly fatal, all by itself. It is simply this: Solomon provided no modifier beyond the pronoun. That’s right. There is nothing in the Hebrew text—not one word, syllable, jot or tittle—that corresponds to or justifies the “should go” that most translations insert. The only word that modifies “way” is the pronominal suffix meaning “his” (darko). This is a simple fact of reading, not an interpretive assertion.[6]
In other words, this passage isn’t about raising a child according to the way he “should” go. Solomon wasn’t talking about the way a child ought to be trained up (which would obviously be in accordance with God’s Law). It’s unfortunate that the translators felt comfortable inserting that word when it weighs so heavily on the interpretation. With that in mind, the next question you might be thinking is, Then according to whose way was Solomon speaking? With only one person preceding the pronoun “his,” we can conclude that Solomon was speaking of training up a child according to the child’s way (in grammatical terms, “child” is the nearest referent/antecedent).
So, what does it look like to train up a child according to the child’s way? Truth be told, it doesn’t take much searching of Scripture to determine what a child’s way is like. In fact, in the exact same section—only nine verses later—Solomon said this: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child” (Prov. 22:15). Using the same Hebrew word na’ar, he described a child’s heart just as we would expect it to be as a result of the Fall: depraved, sinful, naive, and ultimately… foolish.
Taken together then, Solomon essentially said, “Train up a child according to his own foolish way…” From that phrasing alone, what’s clear is that this is not intended to be a heartwarming proverb, but a heart-warning proverb. Rather than soul-settling, it’s soul-sobering. The conditional clause makes it clear that this is the beginning of a caution, not a comfort. Whereas the biblical parent raises his child according to God’s way, the negligent parent goes along with his child’s way.
In some cases, this might look like indulging the child’s every whim and desire. “I don’t want him to be left out of what all the other kids are doing.”
In other cases, it might look like ignoring the child’s rebellious behavior: “Oh well, boys will be boys.”
Perhaps it might mean offering excuses for something the child did: “I know that’s a problem, but he’s really a good kid at heart.”
At other times, it could even be as bad as joining the immature behavior of the child (especially for relational reasons). “I just want her to think I’m the cool mom.”
As the proverb will go on to explain, these examples all have one thing in common: they’re less like aiming an arrow with the precision of an archer (cf. Psa. 127:4), and more like casually tossing a live grenade. It’s too late to go back in time, the clock is ticking, and the results are going to harm everyone.
He Will Not Depart From It
So, how does Solomon’s warning end? What will happen if a parent raises a child according to the child’s own sinful tendencies?
“…Even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
The phrase “even when” represents a hypothetical situation, better understood as “even if…”[7] According to Solomon, since fools often die young, it’s rare that one manages to live to old age (cf. Prov. 10:21, 11:19, et. al.). Next, the pronoun “he” once again refers back to the child, indicating the same subject is in view. Finally, the “it” (a neuter feminine pronoun) refers to the situation in the first clause: living according to his own foolishness.[8]
Putting it all together: Even if the child manages to grow old, he will not depart from his own foolish way.
If a child is trained up according to his way (raised how he wants, a way that coincides with his natural fallenness), Solomon warns us that the child will not simply “grow out of it,” but will instead maintain his futile thinking on into adulthood. Like concrete left out to dry, childhood folly only solidifies with time. And at the risk of pushing the analogy too far, it should be noted that concrete left to dry on its own (rather than being properly cured under a watchful eye) ends up being structurally weaker in the end.
In fact, Solomon issued a similar warning later in Proverbs: “…a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” It’s no surprise that we commonly talk of “raising criminals” when we see undisciplined children. A child who lives without authority becomes an adult who lives without authority. When a child is raised according to his own way, Solomon warned that he’ll bring nothing but shame to those around him.
Today, if you want to see shamefulness on display from adults who never departed from their childhood folly, it only takes a few minutes of looking around the internet. It seems as if nearly every major country on the world stage has become a Neverland Nation—filled with people who never grew up (and are doing everything they can to stay that way!). Fueled by social media, the attitudes and antics of those who should know better only become more astonishing each day. And not only are adults continuing in their childhood folly, now they’re monetizing it.
And speaking of money, that’s precisely the context of the warning.
Raising a Financial Fool
Recognizing that the context has to do with money matters like priorities (cf. Prov. 22:1), generosity (cf. Prov. 22:9), and laziness (cf. Prov. 22:13), here’s what Solomon is telling us:
Indulge your child’s greed, and he’ll grow up to be a money-grubbing con artist.
Cater to your child’s impulsiveness, and watch her zip through credit cards like a hot knife through butter.
Allow your child to do chores only when he feels like it, and he’ll wind up only going to work when he feels like it.
Ignore your child’s laziness, and he’ll grow up to ignore the needs of everyone else around him.
Let your child lay around the house, and he’ll end up never leaving the house.
Fail to teach your child to live within his means, and he’ll wind up living within your basement.
Proverbs 22:6 is not a promise that your children will return to the Lord if you raise them right. It’s a warning that if you coddle your child’s sinful tendencies, you will raise a financial fool.
Of course, it does need to be said that while the context of the passage refers to finances, the principle absolutely can apply to other aspects of our children’s lives, whether it’s education, relationships, church, hobbies, and so on. In any area of life, if you let your child’s immature heart pilot the ship, don’t be surprised when it capsizes.
And to be clear, a parent is not responsible for the sins of his or her adult child. However, a parent is responsible for the kind of training that was given during that adult child’s upbringing. As I’ve often said to parents, take roughly eighteen years and add it to your age—that’s how many years for which you’ll give an account to God.
Well then, what do we do? How should we train up our children? Moses said that children need to be taught the commandments “when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up” (Deut. 6:6-7). And Solomon corresponded those words with assurance to his son that “when you walk about, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk to you” (Prov. 6:22). Teach your kids the Bible verse by verse, and when they grow older, watch the Bible guide them step by step. The book Expository Parenting exists to prepare you to do just that.
Ironically, once you’re committed to sequential exposition at home, it’ll be Proverbs 6:22, not Proverbs 22:6, that serves as your greatest comfort.
At the end of the day, remember that you are loved by the Father, forgiven in the Son, and empowered by the Holy Spirit; use that as motivation to follow Solomon’s wisdom in your parenting. Don’t train up your children according to their own way, because when they’re old, they just might not depart from it.
References:
[1] Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 15-31, The New International Commentary on the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2005), 165-169.
[2] Ibid., 217.
[3] This is the ESV rendering. The NASB takes a variant reading that says “excellent things,” rather than “thirty sayings,” based on a consideration of textual emendations beyond the scope of this article. For more, see Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 15-31, The New International Commentary on the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2005), 219.
[4] Dan Phillips, God's Wisdom in Proverbs (The Woodlands, TX: Kress Biblical Resources, 2011), 354.
[5] Waltke, 204.
[6] Phillips, 357.
[7] Ibid., 357.
[8] Waltke, 206.